Why Am I an Idiot?

Why do I procrastinate? Why do I do things that I know I shouldn't do just because I know it's something I'm not supposed to do? There are countless examples, but let's take a look at yesterday since it's fresh in my mind. I know that I shouldn't have a big dose of caffeine in the afternoons as it keeps me awake at night. For some reason at 3 or 4 yesterday I have a cup of coffee. I know it will keep me awake. I know it will be the cause of making me even more tired than I already am, but I get it and drink it anyway. So of course, I couldn't get to sleep last night. I need a good 7.5 - 8 hours of sleep at night to feel normal. BTW, I couldn't tell you the last time I average that much sleep for a week. I've been averaging 5-6 this week and have been getting progressively more tired. Put last nights 5 hour night in there and I came very, very close to blowing off the run for the day. If I didn't drink that coffee yesterday afternoon I likely would have gotten a good 7-8 hours last night. Another example ties very closely to this. I know I need the sleep. I know that I'm tired. I know that with all the running I'm doing, my body needs rest to recover and grow stronger. I know this and yet night after night I stay awake too late. Most of the time I'm not doing anything productive. I'm just wasting time.

So the question of "Why Am I an Idiot" stands. I'm sure I'm not alone in the self destructive behavior and I know that are far worse consequences for other people. Since I can be so disciplined at getting in my running and workouts, I don't understand why I cannot be more disciplined in other things. This is especially true of the sleep problem as it likely prevents me form improving in my running as much as I could be and affects my productively throughout the day. Any ideas?

So my piss-poor attitude continued throughout the day as I continued to sabotage my entire day. My run home was crap. I had no desire or energy to do it whatsoever, but since I had no way of getting home, I had to do it. I took a shorter way home and did not do any speed. It took all my energy to keep myself running in order to get home. Then I got home and pigged out and drank.

I think this day would have been way better had I decided to stay in bed this morning and not get up until Friday. What a waste!

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Food Journal

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Food

• 1/4 serving N-Large with 4 oz Skim Milk
• 2 bowls Cinnamon Oatmeal Crunch Cereal with ~10 oz Skim Milk
• 2 slices Pepperoni Pizza, Thin Crust
• Milky Way
• Almonds
• Doritos and Salsa
• Chicken Breast, White Potatoes, Green Beans
• Pita Chips and Hummus
  

Drink

• 128 oz Water
• 42 oz Coffee
• 24 oz Diet Dr. Pepper
• 24 oz Down Town Brown
• 1 large glass Wine
  

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